Just like in the pictue......my life just seems so upside down and unfamiliar. But at least I'm happy upside down and Eric is with me and the kids are off playing somewhere in the background.Do you ever have one of those days where you wonder..."What the hell am I doing?"
Well today has been one of those days.
It started last night. I was thinking how much I really love our home here, how safe I feel here, how we have everything we need and then some, how close my family is to our home, how I just spent Sat. with the gals scrapbooking and having a great time, how much work we've put into the house and almost all our home improvements are finished. So why am I moving to Germany?
Maybe it's hormones? (I'm having a surge of them right now:) Maybe it's just that I'm starting to feel the stress of so much to do and so little time? Maybe it's the fact that we still haven't gotten "the final" paper that tells us when and if we are going. We're just assuming that we leave July 1st!!! Maybe it's because we didn't sell the camper and that it is still lingering in the driveway, maybe it's because I think of strangers renting our house and destroying it.
Of course these things may or may not happen. Logically, there is no reason why we shouldn't get the A OKAY to go, there is plenty of time to sell the camper and the spring is prime selling time for RV's, and not all renters destroy and we will have property managers looking after our home.
Life doesn't guarantee us anything. We should live our lives with no regrets.
I was just listening to a Big and Rich song called "Live this Life."
"I'll live this life until this life won't let me live here anymore. Then I will walk with patience through that open door. I have no fears, angels follow me no matter where I go."
Beautiful Song!!!!!
If I look back on where I was a year ago today I would say my life was completely different. I was headed down a road of pain and awakening. Things have definitely changed. That's not to say that everything is picture perfect. Everyone can stand some improvement now and then :) It's just to say that I'm more aware of myself and what role I play and the role I play in the lives of others. I guess it's where this whole life is too short thing came about in my own life. Does everyone experience an instance whithin their lives that changes them? That makes them come to realize that we are here but only for a short time and to live our lives with gusto, with integrity, with purpose? To work through are fears, to work towards a goal, to not forget to have some fun, to stop and smell the flowers or bask in the sun occasionally?
Ah, today is one of those days where I just feel like, "What the hell am I doing?"
What are you doing?
3 comments:
Hi Christina,
I just read your last post and I really identify with your feelings.
Before we moved to Germany I had many days that I felt like "what I am doing?!" But now that we are here I have many days that make me feel totally confident about our move.
It's funny but Greg and I will just look at each other and say: "That`s why we`re here!", sometimes that happens right after a great trip to a little town just a few miles away, sometimes it`s after having some "spaghetti ice" at a cafe and sometimes it`s just at some park with the kids.
I`m sure once you get here you`ll have a lot of days like these. When you just wanna say "This is why we`re here!"
Let me know if I can help you in anyway with your transition.
Bea Prickril
Bea, Where do you find spaghetti eis? I haven't seen it but I keep hearing about it!
I love the regular eis though...only 70 cents for a perfect sized scoop.
Christina, I had so much anxiety before we moved here. I was at a point in my old life where I had never had more friends or more things to do or a better place to live or more money, and was about to give it up for a place with no friends, social plans, almost certainly worse apts (hey, I had a harbor view...no harbor in Heidelberg), and the freaking poorhouse. Very scary. Now that I am here I of course can't imagine things having gone any differently. My life here is perfectly natural, not the anxiety-ridden torment I'd imagined on the bad days. It's amazing how adaptable we humans are, embrace it :)
Thank You for your words of encouragement!!! I have good days and bad days. I was out shopping with my Mom and son today and thinking how nice it was and how I would miss the time with her when I'm away in Germany and how my son won't see her as often as he does now. She comes over every week to see the kids, hang out with me or babysit so Eric and I can have a few hours out alone. I will most definitely miss those Date Nights with no kids and free babysitting. We have a couple of family members that do that for us.
I'm sure there will good days and bad days. I'm definitely looking forward to traveling around Europe, there will be lots to see and do; I'm sure.
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